Quadrocopia: Masculinity at the Margins.

 

To continue our celebration of Men's Mental Health Month. 

Men are four times more likely than Women to commit suicide. 

Women threaten suicide far more frequently. 

But for every one woman that actually works up the courage to actually do what it takes to debase oneself with such a cowardly act, four men have already beat her to the punch. 

Some might say this is yet another example of the "inherent unfairness" of patriarchal structures. How dare they distribute these numbers so unfairly! It's like the lack of women in corporate boardrooms all over again. 

The way I see it, it seems men are just condemned to lead even when it comes to sin and damnation. 

What keeps coming up here, and I think it's worth reflecting on, is the recurrence of that ratio. 

 4 : 1. 

 Four parts to every one. 

 A classic Pareto distribution. 

And then; like symmetrical fold of a fractalated flower, may I offer you another statistic. 

One that ostensibly emerged when human mating choices were allowed free reign under the environment of unprecedented de-regulation of sexual activity enabled by the 60s and reaching its perfection in the grandest of grand social experiments that must be online dating. 

80% of women express preference for and attempt to pursue 20% of men. 

We can debate about the veracity of the figure, but it does seem to have some foundation in the data dumps coming out of Tinder and OKCupid in the mid 2010's. Enough for it to become a television trope. As I have been told time and time again, there is always a grain of truth to every cliché. 

One man draws the attention of four women. 

There it is again. The Pareto distribution. 

It keeps turning up in odd corners of the universe. Like pi or e or the standard distribution or any of the other flowers in the bouquet of mathematical mysteries humans have amassed since they first began to exercise their unique ability to observe in his environment the signs that Allah has left for those of understanding. 

No doubt, many who have read thus far might have come to a realization. 

Islam permits a man to marry up to exactly 4 women. 

Not three. Not five. 

Four. 

Note that I said permits and not encourages. 

Note that I said up to four, which is presented as an upper limiting boundary. 

Initially, I wasn't even going to cite a specific scriptural reference for this principle. Everybody knows Islam permits up to four wives. God knows the racists and haters loved to weaponize that one against us since the Zionists popular girl managed to use her social cache to try to ostracize the new Muslim kid. 

I looked it up incidentally, and got lost in the Quran as I am wont to do. The textual context where one encounters the grant of this permission is like an elegant and beautiful setting around a gemstone. They support the point I was trying to make more than I thought. One weeps at the unending generosity my beloved Rabb pours on a humble servant barely worthy of salvation, at His love that never ceases and never fails and is ever present and ready to burst forth as the light of a thousand radiant suns piercing the veil of darkness at the dawn that is promised to those that seek the light of Truth. Truly, the Quran is the crowning glory of all creation. 

I would like to repost the relevant portions in full, and invite you to ponder them with me for a while. May they heal your heart and soothe your soul in the cool waters of guidance and understanding that flow eternally from the miraculous fountain of knowledge and Truth that is the Book of the All-Mighty. 

"O humanity! 

 Be mindful of your Lord 

 Who created you from a single soul, 

 and from it He created its mate,

 and through both He spread countless men and women. 

And be mindful of Allah

 — in Whose Name you appeal to one another

 — and ˹honour˺ family ties. Surely Allah is ever Watchful over you.

Give orphans their wealth ˹when they reach maturity˺, 

and do not exchange your worthless possessions for their valuables, 

nor cheat them by mixing their wealth with your own.  

For this would indeed be a great sin.

If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights  

˹if you were to marry them˺, 

then marry other women of your choice

     —two, three, or four. 

But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, 

then ˹content yourselves with˺ one 

or whom your right hand possesses.

This way you are less likely to commit injustice.

Give women ˹you wed˺ their due dowries graciously. 

But if they waive some of it willingly, 

then you may enjoy it freely with a clear conscience."

The Holy Quran, Sura An Nisa " The Women", v 1 - 4

My Rabb reminds us of the mystery that one essence was cleaved into two and destined to yearn for reunion, the continuation of both being perpetually contingent of the recurrence of that reunion in subsequent iterations. 

That flesh was such an imperfect vessel for love it needed two separate configurations operating in synchronicity in order to sustain the conditions necessary for it to continue to channel the Will of the All-Mighty in this world and be receptive to Truth and Light as it makes its way through this world, that is one among other worlds. 

A world that is a pale reflection of the Garden from whence we were exiled and to which we strive daily to return. A world where one can never entirely escape the pervasive odor of Sulphur and Brimstone rising from the lakes of fire that smolder right underneath it's surface threatening to consume us if our steps falter on the Path of Righteousness. 

Allah did not give Hazrat Adam four wives when he was in the Garden.  

He gave him one. 

That was enough. 

Until then, Adam knew of no discomfort save loneliness, and my Rabb promptly remedied that for him, in His infinite and unending mercy and grace. 

Hawa was fortunate to have never even tasted of that burden, and given the gift of existence after all the rest of it had already been crafted by my Rabb. Including a companion that eagerly awaited to embrace her upon her admission to the garden where Adam felt the pain of the lack of a presence he could not name until my Rabb carved it out of his own rib. 

For a while, they walked together, innocent among the shade of undying trees, by rivers of milk and honey that flow without ceasing, where no want or weariness or pain of the flesh troubled them and they enjoyed each other's company and the splendorous creation they had been gifted free of encumbrance. 

What sublime days those must have been, for unfolding human sentience. Two lovers walking hand in hand among the dappled light of an ethereal sky flitering through the canopy of trees who'se beauty has no parallel in this Temu dimension to which we, their unfortunate spawn, have been exiled. Because its all been pretty much downhill from there. 

It is worth remembering that it was their discontent caused them to violate the one thing the All-Knowing asked them not to. 

It was, frankly, their boredom. 

It truly is the curse of free-will; the diminishing returns on the sense of power humans feel when exercising what is their deepest species-essence compels them to exercise it in increasingly pathological and irrational ways. Ways that work to their own detriment. 

This is why the rich and powerful Eyes-Wide-Shut Epstein orgy types are forever fixated on increasingly ostentatious freak offs and Diddy parties. They build knockoff paradises on sub-tropical islands and indulge in increasingly bizarre and boundary breaking perversions as they become more and more inured to their own debasement. 

Whether its Villa Jovis in Capri or Mar a Lago in South Florida, the fractal unfailingly echoes back on itself. Next thing they know they're eating the stomach contents of infants freshly sacrificed to Baal. Allegedly. 

Thats not quite  the intention behind the limited permission for polygamy under the shariah. 

I mean, ultimately only the Author knows the true intention, and we may never have the full capacity to appreciate His full wisdom. 

Yet, we dutifully seek for his signs in the universe and in ourselves, and seek the bounty of the knowledge he lovingly scattered throughout the slice of existence observable to us. A cosmic scavenger hunt to keep us busy and amused and out of trouble, perhaps. 

But look how my Rabb frames the grant:

First he reminds us to be mindful of Him. 

Then, he reminds us to be mindful of our families; those who made us and cared for us and protected us and guided us and whose flesh is the soil in which our soul sprouted and to whom we owe a duty and an obligation. 

Then, he reminds us to be mindful of the Orphan; who has lost the support of family ties and has no protector or provider except Allah, and we are invited to become to means by which that protection and provision is delivered. 

For it is or ability to recognize and care for our fellow human souls without regard to direct kinship that most distinguishes us from the beasts of the earth, who are unable to rise above herd and pack and tribe. It is our ability to value each soul as a gift that is the very key to the dominion we are authorized to exercise over creation. 

Now we come to the piece I first came here for, and along with which I was granted without asking the blessings of additional reminders that refresh my soul:

"If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights  

˹if you were to marry them˺, 

then marry other women of your choice

     —two, three, or four. "

Perhaps I am misreading this. I am not an Arabic scholar. I am grateful my Rabb has made it so I can experience His message even in the limited way that I can, through the mediation of mass publication, digital distribution and the English language. 

It appears that there is almost a condition precedent to the right to take on more than one wife. 

Is it me, or does it seem as if we are encourage to first try to marry an orphan? For who is more vulnerable and weak and subject to predation and exploitation than the woman who is also orphan? Who has no guardian to keep her safe from a world that would feast on her flesh at the first opportunity? 

I don't know if I can draw a rigid bright-line requirement, but certainly the context seems to hint that only if one fears they cannot honor the orphan woman and grant her the rights she is due, then should they marry other, non-orphan women. And only up to four of those. The context makes it clear that the rule is intended to further human well being, not necessarily human desire. 

But the permission for polygamy is immediately qualified: only if you are able to do justice among them are can you avail yourself of this option. Otherwise, be content with one. 

Contentment. That elusive state humanity lost and seeks in the last place where it can be found: the life of this world. 

Adam was content with one Eve. The Prophet Muhammad was content with one Khadijah, who was all he needed to comfort and support him in his toughest trials, whose loss was one of the most difficult tribulations with which the beloved Nabi was tested. 

The rest of us? Do we dare to aspire to even touch the hem of the robe of those men who exemplified the peaks of human virtue and divine favor?

Certainly, we must aspire to meet the standards set by the example of the residents of Paradise, and the Prophet who was sent to make this world as close to the Gardens of Eternity as possible for those who Believe and do good works. 

We will never meet them. We will always fall short. 

Perhaps this is by design. It is when we aim the blow behind the board that we have a chance to break it. 

And yet perfection, though a worthy goal towards which to aim, is hardly ever attainable in this facsimile of existence that is a pale reflection of the glory of the Creation that once cradled our forebears as they walked arm in arm in the midst of beauty and abundance beyond our conception, in those majestic Gardens which we the believers in the bounty of Allah try to crawl towards on our shattered limbs one step at a time.

Allah knows this. The tension and contradiction inherent in earthly desire and the means of it's fulfillment is simply a reminder of the ultimate futility of vesting too much of our will and volition in the vagaries of venal pursuits. 

This is why, Allah goes on to say in the same Surah where he allows taking two or three or four wives so long as one can remain just as to all of them: 

"And you will never be able to be just between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]" Quran 4:129.

How gracious, how merciful is my Rabb, whose compassion and benevolence know no bounds and whose wisdom is without end whose love encompasses all creation even as to the parts of it that appear sublime and terrifying to us cowering mortals who gaze stupefied at the profusion of forms in which we would drown were it not for the undying generosity of my Rabb, whose throne extends over the heavens and the earth. 

He makes provision for our incompleteness, for our imperfection. In His loving kindness, he allows us a margin of forgiveness that we hardly deserve. 

He knows the weakness of the mortal form he grants us, and He permits us to err and to fall short, while still trying to raise us by ranks and purify us in the vast ocean of his light that washes away all darkness. 

And yet, all the while, His signs confront us wherever look. And how many of his signs can we deny? 

Two decades of Islam being put under a biased microscope, elements of its breathtakingly intricate structure as a whole violently dissected and subjected not to scrutiny, but an endless series of witch hunts for non-conformity with modern liberal sensibilities. 

Only to find out Allah already made provision for a pattern encoded in His creation for some greater purpose whose secret may be shared with those souls who have earned the favor of knowledge from the All Knowing. 

Only to find out, 4 women for every one man is in fact a theoretical trend towards which human behavior would tend if left unchecked. 

A naturally ordained proportion that in fact stood the risk of being exceeded; recall that Solomon had over a hundred wives.  A proportion that therefore had to be hardcoded into law 1400 years before large scale social data identified statistical distributions that mirrored the numerical values explicitly provided by the Quran, whose pages echo with miracles that unfold in ever more elaborate ways as finite human consciousness expands through knowledge to appreciate the infinite depths of the wisdom of the Most Wise. 

Does that mean that humans are not only doomed to a hypergamous paradigm, but should actively pursue one? 

Hardly. 

Lets not confuse harm reduction with optimal parameter values. 

First off; in practice the numbers arent entirely working out like that. Yes, promiscuous men in the top percentile draw the attention and preference of 80% of women, but we aren't exactly seeing men openly walking around with four women on their arm. Well...unless your a rapper or something. 

To the extent that some men are able to leverage this disproportionate advantage, it requires either deceptive manipulation on the part of the man and/or what is recognized as a humiliating compromise on the part of the woman, who agrees to divide her mates attention with other women because it beats having to make love to a reddit neckbeard unable to provide as well as the alpha-chud with more means and fewer nerdy interests. Remember, wealth also appears to follow the Pareto distribution, and the distribution of female access seems to neatly rhyme with it to a great extent. 

So, the 20% of men at the "top" are the only "winners". 

The 80% of women attracted to them have the misfortune of having to struggle for exclusive access to the object of their desires, and/or be forced to submit to sharing a resource they covet that is in scarce supply. 

Lets look at what happens to the remainder. 

The 20% of women at the bottom of the male preference hierarchy, do have the advantage of having 80% of the remaining men to choose from. 

In fact, this presents quite a lucrative opportunity for two classes of women: whores and psychopaths. Whether its for straight OnlyFans cash or just to breadcrumb the starving onto a roster of booty calls,  the market advantage of the desperation of 80% of the male population can be exploited in a thousand different ways. 

But no body cares about the mass of men out there struggling to address their biological imperatives in the face of a market where they simply do not have the requisite value required to experience human intimacy and companionship. Except for the fractional and transactional attention of the aforementioned whores and psychopaths maybe, if the men are willing to stoop that low. Which, lets admit, alot of them are.

It's their fault for not grinding hard enough to be in top 20%. Nature needs selection mechanisms to restrict access to procreative opportunities for only worthy specimens. 

What did they think, they were entitled to their own Eve in this thicket of brambles beyond the wall at the edge of Eternal Garden? 

This is a threshing ground. Not a Garden.