Everybody hates us, our pain brings them joy and our lives are worth nothing to them.

 

I cannot look at pictures coming out of Gaza anymore. 

I havent been able to for a while. 

Gaza has made it abundantly clear that nobody cares about Muslim life. 

That the world has decided that its okay to kill us, starve us, keep us trapped and in pain. 

This is the message Gaza sends us. That our entire families can be killed and be nothing but a number. That our suffering and death garners no sympathy and that the forces of hate and evil will always be arrayed against us and target us more intensely and ruthlessly than anyone else. 

I was laid off two years ago from my Data Engineer job. 

Since then, I have been unable to find steady work.

I am about to lose my house in foreclosure. Heavily in debt and dont even have money to file for bankruptcy. I dont even have money for groceries anymore. Hopefully the EBT card comes in soon.

I am, at this stage, almost certain that I am being deliberately excluded from the job market on account of expressing my political opinions. I dont care if you try to call me paranoid and having delusiosn of persecution. 

Rich and powerful Zionists have literally stated in the news that they will actively work to deny employment and ruin the careers of those in America who chose to speak out against Israel's mass murder of  children. Its not a conspiracy theory anymore, they WANT us to know that they are the ones starving us, just as they are starving the people of Gaza.

Because its not enough for them to make Palestinian Muslims suffer, these sadists want to inflict pain, misery and humiliation on all of us to remind us of how worthless and expendable we are. 

I have tried my hardest to survive in America. 

I made the choice to abstain from alchohol and partying and sleeping around, and instead went to law school, got married, had kids, drove Uber, passed the bar, did handyman work, got a bunch of technical certifications, became a computer programmer. I put in more effort and hard work than anyone else I know, sacrficed more than the vast majority of people who live here. 

It was all pointless. It was all just them gaslighting me and making me jump for morsels they would yank out of their reach as soon as I got close, in a sustained effort to drive me mad and hope I do something drastic. 

Not because I am special, or being targeted. Because they do this to anyone who refuses to buy in to their evil agendas. 

Because we are livestock to them. They will beat us into submission or death. They dont care which. 

I'm not saying this to cry about what a victim I am, or to get anyone's pity. 

If anything, I feel like a pathetic, whiny, entitled crybaby. Oh the ZioNazis blacklisted me from the job market now I'm going to get tossed out into the street boo hoo. 

In Gaza, they make them bury their own murdered children. In Gaza, they make them watch as their children starve to death.

Ofourse they dont care about me, and are only too happy to see me in as much pain and suffering as possible. I am nothing to them; just another fly whose wings they can pluck off and watch with glee as the life drains out of me slowly while I writhe in pain.

If it wasnt for the optics, they would have bombed my house by now. Although frankly, a quick death would be welcome at this point. I'm guessing they dont want to give me that courtesy.

Besides, why waste money on expensive American bombs when they can just cut me off from any means to sustain myself and just let me starve on my own? This way you save money on bombs AND the sustenance needed to keep me alive.

I'm just exhausted. And I just dont have it in me anymore to keep attempting to beg for scraps at a table populated by sadists. I cant deal with the constant ups and downs of false hope and dissapointment, deliberately designed to shake loose my grip on sanity. 

There is nothing left for me here but madness and agony. 

I dont know where I can go. But I dont think I can stay here anymore. 

I'm sorry, America. I just dont think this is working out.